OPINION
By Ilene Hoffman, Contributing
Editor - Reprinted from MacTech Magazine, October, 2000.
Cable Modem Guide
How one goes around; comes
around; and hangs around
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Welcome
Cable modem access has finally
reached mass proportions. If you don't have it, you will
soon. High speed Internet access is almost required these
days to access all the Flash, Shockwave, QuickTime, and
other useless crap posted by many web sites. The following
notes are meant to help you wade through the cable abyss, so
that you are not caught unawares.
1. First, find out which
company is the cable TV provider in your town --
because that's about your only choice. These companies
have a monopoly in any town they cover.
2. If you happen to be one of
the very lucky few who has more than one cable provider
-- call their tech support line, or billing, or
almost any number associated with the cable company
and listen carefully to their hold music. As most of
your communication with your cable provider will be
waiting on hold you might as well pick a company who
plays music you like.
(Recently my ears were assaulted
with classical music, REALLY loud classical music from
Mediaone, now Roadrunner, now AT & T. When I called
RCN though, I was greeted with "Hold on I'm Coming" by
the Temptations(?) and "Wait a Minute Mr. Postman" by the
Beatles -- obviously RCN has a better sense of
humor! I was expecting Stevie Wonder's Don't You Worry
Bout a Thing next.)
3. If you are lucky enough to
have more than one cable service provider, when you call,
see how long is their wait time on the phone. I
guarantee you won't need a stopwatch for this one. Pick
the company that puts you on hold for less
hours.
4. Mediaone (AT&T)
advertises broad band service -- what they really
mean is -- when you buy a head set (so you can stay on hold
all day and still get something done), they mean buy one
with a wide head strap, so you'll be more comfortable,
while you wait ... and wait ... and
wait...
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5. If you ever really need tech
support be prepared to be the victim. First, they will
tell you, you're on a Macintosh, which of course they
support; but then they tell you to hold the left mouse
button, and ask if Windows is running. Second, they will
blame your OS, doesn't matter what version you're running;
it's your fault!
6. Once they've established that
you're on a Mac, and that the OS is ok, then they'll
blame your old version of TCP/IP (which of course is the
newest version) or Open Transport. It doesn't matter
if you've been working fine for 2 years with your set up
- its still your fault or better yet, Apple's
programmers. Now, the blame is slowing being spread to a
whole slew of people!
7. After holding for a hour to
reach tech support, and rebooting your machines ten times
and discovering that its all your fault, and your
patience is running thin then make them CHECK
their stuff... and yes, only to find out their service is
in fact down, not only in your town; but in the five
contiguous towns too. They just hadn't figured that out
yet. (See the support call at the end of this
rant.)
8. Now, that you're completely
frustrated with your cable provider and they have a land
lock on your town, you might decide to explore DSL. DSL
provides a whole 'nother set of small nightmares --
starting with their request you buy their modem. They
want you to buy their modem as soon as you order the
service, but you can't use that modem until the service
is activated -- which in the Boston area is a good month
wait. So, its hurry up and wait, but pay
first.
9. The best thing is once you
are connected you will have speedy Internet access ...
for about 10 minutes. Due to the phone lines in your
area, your speed will be about half what is advertised,
so you can expect slightly faster downloads than using
that 2400 baud modem you have collecting dust on your
floor.
Ah... life in the fast
lane...
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A Recent Summary of a Support Call I Made
Dial the cable company.
Listen to the message that their options
have changed and to choose my option carefully.
Type in my phone number, when requested and
press 1.
Listen the message that their options have
changed and to choose my option carefully.
Type in my phone number, when requested and
press 1.
Listen the message that their options have
changed and to choose my option carefully.
Type in my phone number, when requested and
press 1.
Hang up.
Dial the cable company.
Listen the message that their options have
changed and to choose my option carefully.
Type in my phone number, when requested and
press 1.(repeat 3 more times)
Be put on hold.
A half-hour later, after being told 15 times
"We appreciate your patience, please continue holding, your call is
important to us," a person answers the phone, and asks for your phone
number.
Support: "What is your problem?"
Me: "My cable modem is not
working."
Support: "Is this for your television
set?"
Me: "No, I don't have a cable modem on my
TV, it's for the Internet."
Support: "What is the problem with your
cable modem?"
Me: "My modem is unstable"
Support: "Is it going to fall over? Is it on
a desk?"
Me: (holding my breath) "No, my modem lights
are blinking, and unstable."
Support: "What's your modem look
like?"
Me: "Well, it's this black retangular box...
(pause, swallow hard, bite tongue) look I can't connect to the Net, can I speak with someone else?"
Support: "Oh, you need Internet access
support."
Me: wait on hold while Internet access
support is flown in from Paraguay.
Support: "Hello, can I have the phone number
you are calling in from?"
Me: Give my phone number, address, social
security number, mother's maiden name, and medical history of every
dog I've ever owned.
Support: "What seems to be the
problem?"
Me: "My modem lights are blinking, and
unstable."
Support: "Have you tried accessing our help
pages on the Internet?"
Me: (chewing on my keyboard...) "Um, no, I
can't get ON the Internet."
Support: "Ok, first unplug the
modem."
Me: Scrunch into a tiny little ball, squeeze
under the desk and crawl 2 feet in the dark to reach my modem. Unplug
modem, and hit my head while returning to the phone.
Support: "Ok, now we must wait." (Note: they
have an egg timer that they use to time the amount of time the modem
is disconnected.)
Me: Wait.
Me: Wait. Two or so minutes
later...
Support: "Ok, plug it back in."
Me: Repeat contortions listed
above.
Support: "Ok, Now what's the modem
doing?"
Me: "Blinking."
Support: "Ok, let me check your line. ....
Oh, there's definitely a problem, I can't ping your modem."
Me: "Have you tried checking the area to see
if the service is down?"
Support: "Oh, we'd know if there was a
problem with the service in your area."
Me: "Might I suggest you
double-check?"
Support: "Be right back."...
Support: "Oh, your node in your town is
down, there's no service right now."
Me: DUH.....
Support: "Gee, thanks for calling, I don't
know why we didn't know the service was down. We'll send someone out
and get the problem taken care of. Usually we know when a service in
a town is down."
(Note: this is the fourth time this year
their service was out and they didn't know it.)
Four hours later my modem service was back
up.
Disclaimor
Any resemblance to any services living or
dead is purely coincidental. I only report em as I see em. Your
mileage may vary.
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About the author
Ilene Hoffman is a Contributing Editor at
MacTech magazine. Sometimes she just can't take it anymore. She is
also the Administrator at MacFixIt.com Forums and has worked with
many community-based web sites. Comments on this article can
be mailed to: >ileneh@mac.com.
Page edited 12/14/00 after email from J. Hussey asked: "Perhaps you can explain "&emdash" being sprinkled all thru these pages
like mushrooms after a rain." I couldn't explain it, so I fixed it.
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